Pokémon Black and White introduced players to some fifth production of Pokémon, bringing the total number of pocket creatures to just under a billion. With numerous Pokémon available, just how is a coach supposed to learn which ones are the best? Simple: I’m going to let you know which ones will be the ideal. So grab a pencil and some paper — you’re likely to need to take notes.
I am obviously a Pokémon expert, as evident by my stunning analysis of a number of the newest Pokémon from the Black and White. However, since I’ve yet to play Model two, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to give me his picks of the best Generation V Pokémon, so I could supply my professional assessment of them to your edification. However, it didn’t take me long to understand his picks are horrible, so after assessing his pathetic lineup, I am also providing what are clearly the real best Gen V Pokémon.
Pignite
Kyle told me Tepig was his starter Pokémon, so I am guessing he thinks Pignite is amazing due to his own ridiculous, sentimental attachment. There are two problems with this. To begin with, Oshawott is clearly the best starting Pokémon out of B&W (although Tepig is still superior than that snooty jerkbag Snivy). Second, why can he pick Pignite and not Emboar? He probably was not good enough to evolve his Pignite to its final shape. Regardless, Pignite is still fairly good.
Official Pokémon Rating (as decided by me): 5
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Watchog
I made fun of Watchog in my previous analysis — especially, I questioned how good of a lookout Watchog can be if he got captured by a coach in the first location. Notably Kyle! Watchog does seem incredibly pissed off, however, so he can probably bully weenie Pokémon such as Deerling.
Official Pokémon Rating: 4.5
Herdier
I am seriously starting to wonder Kyle’s Pokémon-choosing abilities. Herdier is not even a Pokémon. He is a Scottish Terrier. Guess what happens in case you attempt to earn a few Scottish Terriers battle each other? You go to jail for dog fighting, that’s what.
Tirtouga ends up being better than most of Kyle’s options, but I have to wonder: Why do we want another turtle Pokémon when we’ve already got Squirtle? I get this Tirtouga is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still looks like he is horning in on Squirtle’s game, also Squirtle is right up O.G. — I certainly wouldn’t mess with him.
Official Pokémon Rating: 6 (Squirtle’s Official Pokémon Rating: 10)
Musharna
Kyle clearly didn’t read my previous Pokémon analysis, because Musharna is another disturbing selection I took to work. Here is what I wrote previously:
“My God, this Pokémon is still a fetus! What type of sicko will make a fetus struggle?”
Clearly we finally have the answer: Kyle is that type of sicko.
Official Pokémon Rating: 0
Coming Up Next: Longer lousy picks by Kyle…
Solosis
What’s with Kyle’s obsession with Pokémon that haven’t had a chance to fully shape yet? I think that it’s clear what is going on here: Kyle is not very good at Pokémon, so that he chooses the smallest creatures he can find in order to get a justification when he loses. In that sense, Solosis is a terrific choice.
Official Pokémon Rating: 0
Official Pokémon Rating For Men and Women Who Wish To Lose: 10
Yamask
Yamask? More like Yakiddingme? This Pokémon’s entire character is built across its mask, which it only holds with its own tail. What do Yamasks actually do with their masks? As stated by the Pokédex,”Occasionally they examine it and shout.” That really doesn’t sound helpful at all! Yamasks are much worse compared to evolved kind, Cofagrigus, which most of us know is only a sarcophagus with wacky legs and arms.
I’ve absolutely no trouble with this pick.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10
Deino
Apparently, Deino believes he’s a member of The Beatles. I never thought I’d sort this sentence, yet this dragon needs to get a haircut. But a mop-top dragon remains technically a dragon, which he has that going for him. Also, Deino is a Dark/Dragon hybrid, which is far better compared to a Rainbow/Dragon hybrid, or Candycorn/Dragon hybridvehicle, or anything other stupid Pokémon types you can find. But, Deino can finally evolve to Hydreigon, at which time his front legs become two heads. That’s way cooler than Deino, Kyle.
Official Pokémon Rating: Quicker Than Hydreigon
Beartic
Hey, what do you know? Kyle finally picked a cool Pokémon! Granteda blindfolded monkey could’ve chosen better Pokémon than my fellow editor did, but this choice (almost) makes up for it. Beartic is categorized as a Freezing Pokémon, who is actually made from ice, and his level one skill is called Superpower. That’s correct, Beartic starts with Superpower.
More than anything else, I am simply impressed that Kyle didn’t select Beartic’s unevolved type, Cubchoo (the snot-dripping teddy on the best ).
Official Pokémon Rating: 9
Now that we have suffered through Kyle’s horrendous selections, let us take a look at what exactly are really the best Pokémon of White and Black Version 2, as picked by an expert…
The Actual Greatest Pokémon:
Samurott
I was not kidding when I said Oshawott was the clear choice for a starting Pokémon, and Samurott is the main reason . Oshawott’s goofy seashell (which kind of seems like a wang to me) even evolves to amazing Shell Armor, and judging by Samurott’s pecs, this Pokémon is ripped. Want further proof? Samurott’s species has been recorded as Formidable Pokémon.
Simisage is a Thorn Monkey species of Pokémon, and judging by his film, he obviously knows how to rock. He has got an Elvis-like coif, a barbed tail he attacks his opponents with, and big, funny monkey ears. Simisage is so cool he’s offering himself the thumbs-up, that can be well deserved.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10 And Also A Thumbs-Up
Gurdurr
I am pretty certain Gurdurr is the most powerful Pokémon in all of Pokéworld. It’s categorized as a Muscular Pokémon, it’s a Fighting-type Pokémon, along with its own abilities are Guts, Sheer Force, and Iron Fist. Additionally, it’s holding a sneak beam over its own head! Look at all of its bulging muscles Gurdurr is so strong it’s kind of gross. In case you need more proof, the Pokédex clarifies Gurdurr as follows:
“This Pokémon is so muscular and firmly built that a bunch of wrestlers couldn’t make it budge an inch.”
Let us find out your Musharna stand up to this, Kyle.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10
Throh
I didn’t even understand Pokémon wear clothing, however Throh is wearing a gi, and he’s a black belt to boot. Like Gurdurr, Throh is additionally a straight-up Fighting-type Pokémon, and his species is now Judo Pokémon. Throhs are so powerful they don’t even evolve — that is right, not evolution can enhance them.
Official Pokémon Rating: Better compared Evolution
Minccino
As I said, I have absolutely no problem with this choice. Minccino is adorable!
Official Pokémon Rating: 10
Coming Up Next: Five More Amazing Pokémon…
Darmanitan
Here is another heavy hitter that Kyle completely passed . Darmanitan is classified as a Blazing Pokémon, which explains why its curls are on fire. As if a flame ape isn’t frightening enough, here is Darmanitan’s Pokédex description:
“Its internal fire burns at 2,500º F, even which makes enough power it can destroy a dump truck with a single punch.”
2,500º F is the melting point of steel. Steel. Not even the Terminator could withstand molten steel! Now that’s a Pokémon!
If you ever ran to a Galvantula, then you may just dismiss it as a semi-creepy bug. It could be the last mistake you ever make; when you turned round, it could take electrical webs from its fangs to shock you into submission. Then it would consume you. Don’t think me that Nintendo would accept this kind of menacing Pokémon? On the Pokédex entrance:
“They employ an electrically charged internet to snare their prey. While it’s trapped by shock, then they leisurely consume it”
Notice, Galvantula does not just absorb its electrified foes — it consumes themlike it’s no big thing. Even a Xenomorph would shudder and run away from one of these things.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10
Golurk
Let us be fair: Golurk is essentially The Iron Giant, from that 1 picture whose name I can’t remember. It may not be that original, but it doesn’t make Golurk any less badass. Golurk is classified as an Automaton Pokémon — for those who don’t know,”Automaton” is Latin for”Giant robot which kills everything in its course.” Its Pokédex entry makes it seem cooler:
“It blows across the sky at Mach rates. Taking away the seal on its own torso makes its inner energy move out of hands .”
So essentially Golurk is a giant bomb that travels faster than the speed of sound. Which of Kyle’s Pokémon wants to go up from this?
This robot insect might not seem as frightening as some of the other Pokémon with this list, but he’s got quite the backstory. Genesect is a Paleozoic Pokémon which has been originally residing 300 million years back, when it was”worried since the most powerful of hunters,” in accordance with the Pokédex. Subsequently it was resurrected by Team Plasma, making it much stronger by including a cannon to the rear. Quick side note: should you ever decide to utilize science to revive an ancient being dreaded because of its unparalleled searching abilities, do not give this kind of cannon.
Predictably, Genesect broke from the laboratory and has never been seen . To make matters worse, its cannon can be outfitted with four unique drives, endowing it with all the powers of all four different kinds of ordinary Pokémon.
No one knows the story behind Genesect’s name; lovers believe it either means”genesis bug” or”genetic bug.” I’ve got my own concept: In Japanesethis terrifying creature is truly known as Genosect — I am guessing the true meaning of its name is”genocide insect”
There’s not much to mention, other than that Thundurus ain’t screwing around. Thundurus is a mythical Pokémon, and can be classified as a Bolt Strike Pokémon. All his abilities sound great: Uproar, Astonish, Thundershock, Terrible Plot. . .Okay, I do not know about this last one, but others are fairly cool.
